R.J.Stanchfield Storyteller

The Odd Profession of Jeremy Scratch




The Little Black Book and Other Stories

THE BOOKS


The Odd Profession of Jeremy Scratch was to be out on May 15th. The NEW publishing date is June 15th.


The Little Black Book and Other Stories is a book of short stories. Ronin Stanchfield wrote some of these stories 25 years ago. They include 'It Was Clarke Smith’s Fault', 'Pity the Dots', 'A Yuletide Gift to Father', and 'The Parable of the Poodle, Parakeet, and the Ill-tempered Peacock'. Recent stories include 'Pen Pals and Prisoners', 'My Close Proximity to Mark Twain' and 'The Replication of Lady Teal'.

Discover its secrets for yourself at: WaterDragonPublishing.com/little-black-book








The Odd Profession of Jeremy Scratch will be out in June.
      

When it comes to murder, serial killers know they have a big advantage. What the serial killers don’t know… Jeremy Scratch knows where they live.

Dominick Scalia killed seventy people and, when he went to take a bath one night, Scratch knew where he lived. Dominick now sleeps with his prey.

Matteo DiNardo assassinated people with bombs — one hundred and seven of them, to be exact. He’s staying at a Hyatt Hotel in Orlando in room 345. Guess who’s twirling nunchucks in room 346?


THE BOOKS THE BOOKS

SAMPLE ROOM


LITTLE BLACK BOOK and OTHER STORIES

Maybe that is the undying hope I have: that the world will change, that people will understand that as they have had the hubris to steal and mishandle the earth and its peoples for selfish pride, that they have also shown great compassion. My hope is that compassion will rule, and Mother Nature will hear the tones of passion and allow the people to repair their misdeeds.

Read More
THE ODD PROFESSION OF JEREMY SCRATCH

Dominick Scalia killed seventy people and, when he went to take a bath one night, Scratch knew where he lived. Dominick now sleeps with his prey. Matteo DiNardo assassinated people with bombs — one hundred and seven of them, to be exact. He’s staying at a Hyatt Hotel in Orlando in room 345. Guess who’s twirling nunchucks in room 346?

Read More

WHAT FOLKS ARE SAYING


BIOGRAPHY


R.J. STANCHFIELD WROTE THE NOW HISTORIC HOAX OF THE 'HAMPTONS SUBWAY SYSTEM'

     Ronin James Stanchfield, storyteller, has journeyed through life, including opposing the war in Vietnam, being a founder of the United States Green Party, and shutting down two nuclear reactors.

    He was a whistleblower at the Shoreham Nuclear Power Station and, a few years later, found the hidden 'lost pages' describing the radioactive leak at Brookhaven National Lab’s High Flux Beam Reactor when he was Vice Chair of the Suffolk County's Environmental Task Force. In the late 1970s, Stanchfield arranged a network of housing for Iranian Jews who fled Iran.

    Ronin went from heavy industrial construction to two decades of high-end residential design and construction, building country homes in Southampton, East Hampton, Sag Harbor, and Shelter Island. During these years, he always made time to get involved in creative projects — film-making, painting, writing essays, short stories or books.

    He was a staff writer at Billboard Magazine and the Chelsea News, and wrote freelance articles for many of the Hamptons newspapers and magazines, including Dan’s Papers where, as the headline points out, he wrote the original hoax of the infamous 'Hamptons Subway System'. It became one of Dan's most read sections of his newspapers. For R.J. Stanchfield, writing The Odd Profession of Jeremy Scratch and The Little Black Book and Other Stories seemed like the next logical step. Stanchfield sums it up by saying, "I’m going to spend my remaining years writing stories. I have a lot of stories to tell.”


"My writing is often autobiographical in nature. What I tell you may be relevant to what actually happened. It’s often a series of exaggerations. That doesn’t stop me from outright lying either. I will do whatever it takes to make the story. I’m from Queens and it's what we do on the stoop. We tell stories."

ON THE STOOP


We all sat on the Stoop and We all told Stories

SPOKEN WORDS of SHORT STORIES


Performed by Drew Arnold

SONGS FOR MY FRIENDS


YOUR STORY IDEA


There is a need out there for new, unique stories! Make no mistake about it. You have a few stories in you! So share them.

Here’s my proposal: I want your stories! I'd like ideas for stories. 

You don’t have to create the narrative; I’ll do that. You describe an event, or a strange notion that weighs on you. I need the following: where it takes place, when, who, what, and anything else that makes the story. I'll run with your idea and produce a story.

I’ll take the picture you paint and will work to draft it into a short story. Give me the essentials. We will share the credits. I'll compile the short stories. 

Here's a short story by Mark Twain!



CONTACT for STORY IDEAS


I need the following for your story: where it takes place, when, who, what, and anything else that makes the story. We can make it happen!

BLOGS & VLOGS


R. J. Stanchfield's Thoughts

Now at Water Dragon Publishing: www.WaterDragonPublsihing.com

THE ODD PROFESSION OF JEREMY SCRATCH

Born and raised in a hundred year old, authentic and very real ghost town, while still in high school, he was thrust into and out of a mammoth tornado and survived it after being hurled 60 feet in the air and breaking his leg. Only six months later he was confronted by a two hundred pound killer mountain lion that charged at him. He killed the big cat with nothing more than a three-staff martial arts weapon he had after leaving two hours of practice on the deterrent. The two events shaped the character of Jeremy Scratch who had been taken on years earlier by a Bosler, Wyoming odd ball taxidermist Lucien “Luke” LaForge, who taught the kid everything he knew about taxidermy, recognizing the boy's natural ability to learn. This early friendship resurfaced years later. Jeremy’s other early oddity was the corpus he built of the wanted posters he collected of murderers, many of whom were mass murderers. Scratch channeled his grisly passion into the assassination of monstrous convicts who fell through the cracks. Scratch’s cover is his lover, an Interpol agent who was herself trapping international thugs, and also a very thriving human taxidermy business and profitable funeral parlor, which served the wealthiest of the wealthy. Jeremy Scratch juggles and struggles with his triple life to make it all work. His homicidal inclination, aided by a former NYPD detective is the lynchpin to his success. Scratch is an unflinching, original human taxidermist who by the horror of his life allows him to claim detachment. His equally strange lover also brings levity to his life. The Storyteller, Ronin James Stanchfield was born in New York City. He is reminded by the two hundred year-old streets of NYC and the stories the old streets will share if we look and listen hard enough. He is quick to point out that the Five Points Gangs were of the same period and not too many city blocks away from where this movie was shot.

Jay Schneiderman asked R.J. Stanchfield to run his Political Campaign. He needed help to defeat the long-time and incumbent Town Supervisor, Cathy Lester. It was a close race but Jay eked out a win and has never lost an election in two decades. R.J. Stanchfield was one of the Green Party members who founded the Green Party of the United States. He was also a local member of the East Hampton Green Party. "We knew it would be hard, if not impossible," Stanchfield said, "but Jay was an incredible campaigner and we had a great group of Greens.” So for five months Jay and Stanchfield worked hard as did all the supporters. They met local groups, built a strong campaign force and when it was all over, Jay won. Stanchfield wrote and produced the political commercials. By the end of the campaign every time Jay met a dedicated supporter, they sang "JayO".

IT WORKED - WITH A SERIES OF RADIO COMMERCAILS AS WELL AS KNOCKING ON DOORS. AND THEN IT WAS WHEN THE SONG "JAYO" WAS RELEASED...

MY OTHER WRITING


NUCLEAR EVACUATIONS


NUCLEAR EVACUATIONS
When we were opposing Shoreham, I had an idea. Because we have one way to get out of the East End of Long Island, we need to travel West. Sunday evening traffic gets worse because most folks are going back to Manhattan. The traffic is unbearable, not even thinking about the Shoreham nuclear plant. That fact appealed to me. I asked the college radio station manager for two hours at the college station on a Sunday afternoon. I told the director I would increase his listeners by 1,000%!

"Great! I like that," he said. "What are you going to air over the station?" he asked.

"We're going to blow up the Shoreham nuclear plant, of course," I told him with a deadpan face. Then I told him what would happen. "Karl Grossman will discuss the problems of evacuation from Eastern Long Island with guests." I explained activists would be advertising directed at drivers to tune to the college station.

"I love it," he said.

We went to work with our local group of activists, the East End Shoreham Opponents Coalition. We met, designed the maneuvers, spent only a day or two preparing for the action and then went out to do what had to be.

While investigative reporter Karl Grossman interviewed his guests, we did something else. We stationed ourselves all along the highway.

We posted a series of signs made from 4 feet by 8 foot plywood boards. A sign got placed about every two hundred feet. 

The first said "YOU ARE,"

The next said, "IN A."

Then the third, "MOCK."

And then, "NUCLEAR EVACUATION."

The last, "TUNE TO WPBX 102.7." 

The progression of the large signs were more than two football fields in length. They got lettered by an artist, volunteer and the signs got seen and read from over a mile away.
     

Although the roads were already at a near standstill, we sent our folks with their cars in the traffic to make the tie-up worse. Their goal was to make a greater logger jam and create more traffic problems. Yes, it was cruel, but we wanted to bring the issue to the forefront, if there was a need to evacuate the East End, it would be next to impossible.

Phone calls came into the studio from people who had no idea what was happening. The calls demonstrated the caller's deep, fear-based concern. Our street driving activists had a ball "acting." 

As an organizational tool, it was wonderful because it was plain fun.

There was only one person who got bummed out from the event. That person was the student deejay who lost his two-hour time slot on the radio station. According to him we had "Shanghaied it," he said.

Although I don’t remember his name, he gave me an even greater idea. He mumbled, "what a waste, how stupid. It sounded like War of the Worlds.”

"Bingo," I thought... That's what was missing.

It occurred to me the car's radio did tune in to WPBX 102.7 to hear what was going on about Shoreham. They could not be angry at us because they already knew they were going to be in a traffic jam. Indeed, we added a nice little edge from the usual boredom of gridlock. But still, after a while, I imagined they would tune us out and listen to whatever they listen to in traffic jams.

What was missing was to rivet them to the radio and highlight the evacuation issue.
     

I called Eric Corley at Stony Brook University. Corley was often referred to by his pen name of Emmanuel Goldstein, a figure in the hacker community. The pseudonym comes from the George Orwell book Nineteen Eighty-Four. Corley hosted a radio show Off the Hook on WBAI. He also had a show on WUSB.

I explained to Eric what I had in mind: "If you want, you can help us focus on evacuation by producing a play about the Shoreham plant blowing up. It should focus upon the inability to evacuate!"

We agreed to meet at the diner in Riverhead. We would discuss the script and the political action surrounding a two hour program. We discussed the groups of activists who will be on the roads when the radio play is airing.

I wanted the play to be generic in nature so the political action could be used anywhere. I suggested it should run as "Shadow Over The Island."

Eric had a different view and he agreed to write the script and produce it as "Shadow Over Long Island." More, he and others worked out arrangements with a Connecticut station. Stony Brook's WUSB decided to simulcast with WPKN, a Pacifica station in Connecticut.

In the meantime, I got on my horse and started to contact all the anti-nuke groups. SHAD was a primary group who went to the streets and highways with homemade signs. Shoreham Opponents Coalition staged many sign postings as did other groups. Similar demonstrations occurred in Connecticut.

The radio play itself was good, and also very data-focused. But there was no real attempt at acting as if there was a real emergency. But it wasn't a concern because the street activists made it feel like there was a need to evacuate. The activists were very demonstrative.

Five groups in both Connecticut and Long Island found busy streets and posted the signs. YOU ARE IN A MOCK NUCLEAR EVACUATION TUNE TO WUSB 88.3 or WPKN 89.5.

Wow!

You guessed it. As the radio play aired from two radio stations near each other on the dial it gave an added feel of importance. Because the street activist actors were so believable the reaction was incredible. The program caused super reactions. The police stations got called. In turn people called the school officials who in turn called the radio station.

There is a little more to the story.
     

I got psyched from the success of the radio play and political action. But I knew the play needed more drama. I enrolled in New York Institute of Technology. I decided to get a master’s degree in communication arts. Why? You guessed it, to create SHADOW OVER THE ISLAND, a video drama.
     

My method was to get straight "A"s, which I did. In the first semester they allowed me to write a full length docudrama. I got an A. I then lobbied to design an entire master's course around the project of producing a full length movie. I used that leverage to get what I wanted. The institute has three professional television studios comparable to most TV stations. About twenty five students enrolled to help make the movie. We auditioned and hired professional actors. There was a cast of over 100.
     

Here is what the New York Daily News said:
     

'NUCLEAR EVACUATIONS' ON L.I. BROADCASTS REMINISCENT of '38 'WAR of THE WORLDS'
Hamptons visitors and residents may have thought they were in the midst of a nuclear disaster when they turned on their radios over the last few days.

Four radio stations on eastern Long Island and in Connecticut broadcast 45minute "mock nuclear evacuation" dramas on Saturday and Sunday to explore the impact of a real evacuation from Long Island.
     

Called, "Shadow over the Island," the mock evacuation broadcast, reminiscent of Orson Welles’ 1938 "War of the Worlds" radio broadcast, mimicked a live news show describing an impending nuclear accident on the island.

It was sponsored by the Coalition against Millstone, an East End antinuclear group.
Ronin Stanchfield, a member of the coalition who wrote and produced the mock evacuation broadcast, said, "We wanted to make people understand the impact of a nuclear accident, and to feel what that would be like, trying to escape from this island."
     

He said his group is one of several formed on eastern Long Island to try to shut down the two Millstone nuclear plants that reopened last year in Waterford, Conn.
     

"These plants have a history of safety violations and personal problems and, were concerned for the safety and health of our families in eastern Long Island, which is only 15 miles away, but is outside the evacuation zone," Stanchfield said.
     

The broadcast depicted the chaos caused by Long Island residents trying to escape in their cars and boats.
     

The paid program aired at various times on three Connecticut' FM radio stations and WLNG (92.1 FM) in Sag Harbor.
     

Paul Sidney, president of WLNG, said his station received several "frantic calls" from concerned listeners during the 5 p.m. Sunday broadcast, who thought the evacuation was real.

"But we took extra precautions not to scare people, by adding extra disclaimers during the broadcast," Stanchfield said.
     

Stanchfield, a former Quality Assurance Engineer, and whistleblower at Long Island's Shoreham nuclear plant said, he "modeled this fictitious broadcast after a similar anti-Shoreham one in the 1980s."
     

To create more public awareness, his group, along with STAR, Standing for Truth About Radiation, an East Hampton antinuclear group, put up banners and signs at 10 sites along the Montauk Highway reading, "You Are in a Mock Nuclear Evacuation."
     

"Drivers stopped and talked to us, all along the highway, about their reactions to this broadcast," said STAR's Scott Cullen. "Some of them thought that was pretty scary.
     

Stanchfield said his group intends to run the mock evacuations about every six months.

.......BELOW IS THE FULL DOCUDRAMA IN FOUR PARTS....... 

SHADOW OVER THE ISLAND I


SHADOW OVER THE ISLAND II


SHADOW OVER THE ISLAND III


SHADOW OVER THE ISLAND IV


MY GICLÉE GALLERY

I made my living as a Drafter between the ages of twenty and thirty

During this period I was mostly single, would party regularly, and eventually learned I was not employable. If I wanted to go to the beach with my friends rather than work at a drafting board all day, I opted for the ocean. Though I wasn't employable, I was a good drafter because I followed in my brother's footsteps, meaning I was studying with a Master Artist. To this day it is my belief that my older brother, Bruce C. Stanchfield, was one of the greatest and most artistic drafters who ever picked up a pencil or mechanical pencil to draw. I include him with some of the greatest hand artists on the face of the earth. When CAD drafting became the new wave, I learned on VectorWorks, a Mac program that rivaled AutoCad. I got good at that and then learned more graphics on PhotoShop. I took my art in a different direction. Below is some of my art.

My Daughter saw the movie Big Fish and afterward rushed to tell my wife, "Dad is Big Fish." I got it, liked it, and I own it. After the movie's partial screenplay, which is below, added are the Three Endings to Big Fish, the scenes from the movie. It's important to see them in order. I'm glad my daughter understood that to make good stories you need to be willing and able to grow the truth in all different directions. When crafting a story the creator must be free to enter into it with chaos in mind while keeping their eyes squarely on the cosmos, which keeps the form throughout.

I have had a number of wonderful years watching my daughter and son-in-law tell all kinds of wonderful and made up stories to their three children. I am writing a story about my grandchildren and it is my deepest wish that when I can no longer write, the children's mom and dad will come up with their own written adventures for first, their children and later, their grandchildren.

BIG FISH SCREENPLAY - the beginning


Title: _Big Fish_
Credit: written by
Author: John August
Source: based on the novel by Daniel Wallace
Notes:
FINAL PRODUCTION DRAFT
Includes post-production dialogue
And omitted scenes
Copyright: (c) 2003 Columbia Pictures




**FADE IN:**


A RIVER.

We're underwater, watching a fat catfish swim along.

This is The Beast.

EDWARD (V.O.)
There are some fish that cannot be caught. It's not that they're faster or stronger than other fish. They're just touched by something extra. Call it luck. Call it grace. One such fish was The Beast.

The Beast's journey takes it past a dangling fish hook, baited with worms. Past the tempting lure, sparkling in the sun. Past the swiping bear claw. The Beast isn't worried.

EDWARD (V.O.)(CONT'D)
By the time I was born, he was already a legend. He'd taken more hundred-dollar lures than any fish in Alabama. Some said that fish was the ghost of Henry Walls, a thief who'd drowned in that river 60 years before.Others claimed he was a lesser dinosaur, left over from the Cretaceous period

INT. WILL'S BEDROOM - NIGHT (1973)

WILL BLOOM, AGE 3, listens wide-eyed as his father EDWARD BLOOM, 40's and handsome, tells the story. In every gesture, Edward is bigger than life, describing each detail with absolute conviction.

EDWARD
I didn't put any stock into such speculation or superstition. All I knew was I'd been trying to catch that fish since I was a boy no bigger than you. (closer) And on the day you were born, that was the day I finally caught him.

EXT. CAMPFIRE - NIGHT (1977)

A few years later, and Will sits with the other INDIAN GUIDES as Edward continues telling the story to the tribe.

EDWARD
Now, I'd tried everything on it: worms, lures, peanut butter, peanut butter-and-cheese. But on that day I had a revelation: if that fish was the ghost of a thief, the usual bait wasn't going to work. I would have to use something he truly desired.

Edward points to his wedding band, glinting in the firelight.

LITTLE BRAVE
(confused)
Your finger?

Edward slips his ring off.

EDWARD
Gold.

While the other boys are rapt with attention, Will looks bored. He's heard this story before.

EDWARD
I tied my ring to the strongest line they made -- strong enough to hold up a bridge, they said, if just for a few minutes -- and I cast upriver.

INT. BLOOM FRONT HALL - NIGHT (1987)

Edward is chatting up Will's pretty DATE to the homecoming dance. She is enjoying the story, but also the force of Edward's charisma. He's hypnotizing.

EDWARD (CONT'D)
The Beast jumped up and grabbed it before the ring even hit the water. And just as fast, he snapped clean through that line.

WILL, now 17 with braces, is fuming and ready to leave. His mother SANDRA -- from whom he gets his good looks and practicality -- stands with him at the door.

EDWARD
You can see my predicament. My wedding ring, the symbol of fidelity to my wife, soon to be the mother of my child, was now lost in the gut of an uncatchable fish.

ON WILL AND SANDRA

WILL
(low but insistent)
Make him stop.

His mother pats him sympathetically, then adjusts his tie.

WILL'S DATE
What did you do?

EDWARD
I followed that fish up-river and down-river for three days and three nights, until I finally had him boxed in.

Will regards his father with exasperated contempt.

EDWARD
With these two hands, I reached in and snatched that fish out of the river. I looked him straight in the eye. And I made a remarkable discovery.

INT. TINY PARIS RESTAURANT (LA RUE 14°) - NIGHT (1998)

WILL, now 28, sits with his gorgeous bride JOSEPHINE. This is their wedding reception, crowded with their friends and family. They should be joyful, but Will is furious.

Edward has the floor, ostensibly for a toast. The room is cozy and drunk.

EDWARD
This fish, the Beast. The whole time we were calling it a him, when in fact it was a her. It was fat with eggs, and was going to lay them any day.

Over near the doorway, we spot Sandra, just returned from the restrooms. She looks gorgeous. She couldn't be any happier if this were her own wedding.

EDWARD
Now, I was in a situation. I could gut that fish and get my ring back, but doing so I would be killing the smartest catfish in the Ashton River, soon to be mother of a hundred others.

Will can't take any more. Josephine tries to hold him back, but he gets up and leaves. Edward doesn't even notice.

EDWARD (CONT'D)
Did I want to deprive my soon-to-be-born son the chance to catch a fish like this of his own? This lady fish and I, well, we had the same destiny.

As he leaves, Will mutters in perfect unison with his father--

EDWARD AND WILL
We were part of the same equation.

Will reaches the door, where his mother intercepts him.

SANDRA
Honey, it's still your night.

Will can't articulate his anger. He just leaves.

EDWARD
Now, you may well ask, since this lady fish wasn't the ghost of a thief, why did it strike so quick on gold when nothing else would attract it? (closer; he holds up his ring) That was the lesson I learned that day, the day my son was born.

He focuses his words on Sandra. This story is -- and has always been -- about her more than anyone.

EDWARD
Sometimes, the only way to catch an uncatchable woman is to offer her a wedding ring.

A LAUGH from the crowd.

Edward motions for Sandra to get up here with him. As she crosses, we can see that thirty years of marriage has not lessened their affection for each other.

As they kiss, Edward tweaks her chin a special little way. The crowd APPLAUDS.

Edward toasts the happy couple. Josephine covers well for her absent husband, a smile as warm as summer.

Edward downs his champagne in a gulp.

EXT. OUTSIDE LA RUE 14° - NIGHT

We come into the middle of an argument on the sidewalk. Occasional PASSERSBY take notice, especially as it gets more heated. Both men are a little drunk.

EDWARD
What, a father's not allowed to talk about his son?

WILL
(disbelieving)
I am a footnote in that story. I am the context for your great adventure. Which never happened! Incidentally! You were selling novelty products in Wichita the day I was born.

EDWARD
(shaking his head)
Jesus Christ.

WILL
Friend of yours? Did you help him out of a bind?

EDWARD
Come on, Will. Everyone likes that story.

WILL
No Dad, they don't. _I_ do not like the story. Not anymore, not after a _thousand_ _times_. I know all the punchlines, Dad. I can tell them as well as you can. (closer) For one night, one night in your entire life, the universe does not revolve around Edward Bloom. It revolves around me and my wife. How can you not understand that?

A long beat, then...

EDWARD
(low)
Sorry to embarrass you.

Will won't let him get the last word.

WILL
You're embarrassing yourself, Dad. You just don't see it.

ANGLE ON Edward. Fine. A hand to wave, enough of you.

He walks away.

ANGLE ON Will, still fuming with righteous anger. It's then we FREEZE FRAME.

WILL (V.O.)(CONT'D)
After that night, I didn't speak to my father again for three years.

INT. A.P. NEWSROOM (PARIS) - DAY

A typically busy day. On hold with the phone cradled under an ear, Will sorts through a bundle of mail dropped on his desk.

WILL (ON PHONE)
(without pauses)
William Bloom with the Associated Press if I could just...

He's put back on hold. Returning to the mail, he finds a hand-addressed envelope. Rips it open.

WILL (V.O.)(CONT'D)
We communicated indirectly I guess. In her letters and Christmas cards, my mother would write for both of them.

INT. BLOOM HOUSE KITCHEN - DAY

At the table, Sandra talks on the phone while Edward fixes a sandwich.

WILL (V.O.)
When I'd call, Mom would say that Dad was out driving. Or swimming in the pool.

Edward takes a seat, starting to eat his sandwich.

WILL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
True to form, we never talked about our not talking.

INT. BLOOM HOUSE MASTER BEDROOM - NIGHT

Sandra stands by the window, watching as...

EXT. BLOOM BACK YARD - NIGHT [CONTINUOUS]

Edward swims laps in the family pool. He's born to the water.

WILL (V.O.)
The truth is, I didn't see anything of myself in my father, and I don't think he saw anything of himself in me. We were like strangers who knew each other very well.

EXT. RIVER - DAY

Edward stares intently into the water, a lion in wait.

WILL (V.O.)
In telling the story of my father's life, it's impossible to separate the fact from the fiction, the man from the myth. The best I can do is to tell it the way he told me.

We LOOK DOWN at the river, where Edward's reflection is caught in the dark water. As the water ripples past, something changes.

Sure enough, as we LOOK UP again, it's a younger EDWARD BLOOM, 20's, staring into the water. He's not just handsome, not just charming. It's as if all the forces of the natural world had conspired to create him.

WILL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
It doesn't always make sense, and most of it never happened.

Suddenly, this Edward thrusts both hands into the water, grabbing hold of

THE BEAST.

He brings the catfish up to his face. Looks it right in the eye. A beat, then the Beast spits out Edward's gold ring.

WILL (V.O.) (CONT'D)
But that's what kind of story this is.

Smiling, Edward takes the ring, then throws the Beast back into the water with a splash.

TITLE OVER:

> _BIG FISH_ <

INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY

Young Dr. Bennett stands between the Wife's legs. She's flustered and sweating, but the doctor has a comforting bedside manner...

YOUNG DR. BENNETT
Now, Mrs. Bloom, I'll need you to give me one good push. On three. One...

Suddenly, we hear a POP as a slimy mass of human being rockets into the doctor's unprepared hands. Bennett tries to hold tight, but the infant is slippery like a fish. It shoots up into air.

The NURSES and the Husband try to grab the baby, but no one can hold it. As the newborn sails upward TOWARDS CAMERA, we can see a GIGGLING SMILE on its face.

As it falls, the newborn knocks over a tray, which provides it a ramp to slide right out of the room. Everyone races after it.

INT. HOSPITAL HALLWAY - DAY

Bursting through the doors --

YOUNG DR. BENNETT
Grab that baby!

A NURSE finally scoops up the slippery baby. Everyone lets out a collective sigh of relief.

WILL (V.O.)
My father's birth would set the pace for his unlikely life. No longer than most men's, but larger. And as strange as his stories got, the endings were always the most surprising of all.

BIG FISH ENDING: PART ONE - REALITY


BIG FISH ENDING: PART TWO - IDEALITY


BIG FISH ENDING: PART THREE - IMMORTALITY